18 May 2009

if i ever leave this world alive...

i am rapidly considering several things.

one, i may delete my facebook soon. it's rapidly growing into an ugly beast, full of spam and stupidity. why do i need to be constantly updated on how my virtual friends are virtually feeling? i miss the days when people left messages on little magnetic tapes inside answering machines.

two, nocturnalism doesn't sound so bad when you sleep all afternoon. the world is silent and wrapped in shadows at night. no sirens or bustling people. i really miss the sound of trains on the waterfront sometimes too. they were a constant presence for a while until i moved up here and now, the only sounds that underpin the day are emergency response vehicles rushing to and fro.

three, what's the point of being an optimist when everyone around feels shitty all the time? i'd rather keep looking on the greener side of things instead of wallowing in depression, but some folks just don't want to be cheered up.
why is it when we're down, emotions seem exponentially amplified? it's like they go through several magnification filters before they become apparent. we're slow to react and shut out the rest of the world. then it rubs off on other people and they begin to feel shitty all the time, like no idea they ever had ever mattered or will ever make a difference.

i got my life thrown in my face, and some perspective was leveled on my head. fuckin demon alcohol...

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